the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
