yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
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I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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