Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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