did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
