Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
