oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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