if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
