I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He? As in you personified your dick?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
