we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
