saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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