take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize