If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
