she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
