when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
