I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
