I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
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There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
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I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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