Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
