Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize