The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
