things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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