I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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