so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
