fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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