The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
