a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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