So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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