Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
