Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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