Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
