she looked like the before picture.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
