be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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