Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
