I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
