So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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