I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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