it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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