I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
