Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
