Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
