I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
