3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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