You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
