Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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