Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
not ubering you a puppy
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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