we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
