he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
