This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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