I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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