Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
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I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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