We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
im holly from the hills drunk
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
