You're my little dorito
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
