Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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