I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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