If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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