if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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