I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
