I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
