his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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