I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
