Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
