Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
home. puking in laundry basket.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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