Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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